Old St. George

Friday night, a church on our campus, Old St. George was on fire. The blaze could be seen from my friends' dorms, from the surrounding neighborhoods and has just left everyone shocked...

The following are pictures from friends and fellow classmates...

Bad Luck

The amount of bad things that pile up some WEEKS is incredible...I'm sort of at the breaking point this morning. I finished a project last night that was due at 9:00 this morning and now have 4 more papers to go before Saturday at 5:00 PM. I had a ridiculous flat tire Sunday night in the rain and when the spare got put on, it was ALSO flat...I had to borrow Rob's spare from his Chevy Cav thank GOD we drive the same car. And today...well, today I feel I am unable to do anything or please anyone. It's a bad feeling to have when you have so much to do. Makes you want to give up and just not do anything. I stopped trying to be everything to everyone and it still does not seem to help.

My road of good intentions
Led where such roads always lead
No good deed
Goes unpunished!

Priorities.

Well. It's Sunday.

After two days of training for Buffalo Wild Wings, I decided it was not in my best interest to work for this restaurant. Bartending is one of those dream jobs...but when I put all of October's going-ons on paper? It was depressing and trigged a few not so welcome anxiety attacks. I'm too busy. I CAN'T do it all. So I'm living off my loans and a bit of money from the office job. I have time to work my last year of college and need to enjoy my last "goof-off" year. Spending today catching up on schoolwork. I need to stop FREAKING out about everything in life, I have time to finish school, I have time to make money and pay off my loans, I have time to do what I need to do. I need to stop being so anxious and try to enjoy life a little bit. Sheesh. I don't know how I talk myself into these predicaments.

I talk a lot about NASCAR (getting ready to watch the race as we speak) but I never talk about how much I like college football. University of Cincinnati for the FIRST TIME since the '50s is a ranked team and 5-0!!! They beat San Diego State last night and with all the higher ranked team upsets last night, I'm anxious for the AP Poll to come out.

Go Smoke, reigning champ. ;-)

2 Days and Counting

Two days until I am officially in college hell. I start my new job at Buffalo Wild Wings on Friday because 1. I'm desperate for money and 2. I'm desperate for something new. I can tack this to the list of things I said I'd never do in college yet ended up doing anyways which includes but is not limited to:

• Joining marching band
• Joining a sorority
• Get hooked on TV shows
• Drinking
• Smoking pot
• Stealing public property
• Sleeping with my ex
• Working two jobs

*Sigh* And to think once upon a time, I had principles. Now, I'm a marching sorority president with relationship issues who works two jobs and spends school nights at the bar while getting a thrill out of slightly illegal activities and has actual emotion invested in fictional television characters. Somehow, I feel hypocrisy is stamped on my forehead.

This leads to my list of responsibilites I have wracked up over the past 4 years...

• Full-time student
• Marching Band member
• Sorority President
• Two part-time jobs

Only four, right? Except all four have left me with no free time to the point where I have to schedule bathroom breaks.

What little integrity I have left disallows me to actually quit any of these activities. I'm too proud, too stubborn, and too invested. Why was I cursed with such a heart?

I also vowed never to whine. But, as you can see, that has fallen to the wayside via blogging. ;-)

Scheduling Potty Breaks

Even my bathroom breaks need to be fit into my hectic schedule...
I'm half way through day two of fall quarter and already I'm looking forward to Christmas break. With two jobs, marching band, sorority, and a full-time class schedule, I'm feeling the strain of having to schedule my day down to the last minute.

Today is a good example:
8:30 Wake up
9:30 First Aid/CPR Training
11:00 Lit Theory Class
12:30 Lunch/Communication Theory homework/Online Anthro class
3:00 Buffalo Wild Wings job meeting
4:00 Work
6:00 Band Practice
8:30 Exec/Joint Exec meetings
9:30 Brit Lit homework
11:00 HOPEFULLY bed

Gone is my power of spontaneity and now, I have to live my life down to a scheduled tee. I'm nervous, I'm worried and I'm sad that things like pleasure reading, knitting, and NASCAR must fall to the wayside for the time being.

I have one more year of this intense pressure, than my senior year will be a bit more laid back. I'm just scared I won't get it all done. There is no room for mistakes...

Heavy Stuff

Heavy Stuff...First the light...I will say that NASCAR Weekend Extravaganza (EVERYTHING I do seems to be an "Extravaganza"...) was incredible. I won't go into the "boring, sordid" details but if you were inside my head you would have had a good time! Facebook documents the awesomeness...

but it was all overshadowed by death and extreme sadness...Michael's brother killed himself on Friday night. My heart shattered watching the aftermath of such a horrible tragic event. I cried for the family, I cried for all the people I love that could be taken away in minutes. I cried because I love my own family so much and I cried because I thought about Nate passing away and never resolving our issues or telling him he was my best friend in the whole world. And I cried because the faith I used to have is weak. My faith that was shattered by the hurt and pain of the world and shattered by religion. I did what I always do in times of tragedy, I prayed. Even though my views of things have changed, I have never stopped praying or stopped believing. But times like these make it hard for me to not be angry at God. No family, especially the Zdinaks should ever have to be in that much pain. Watching my dear friend go through such massive tragedy...words are just not doing any sort of justice to this situation right now. Just know its tragic...and horrible. Anna's Dad, Tom Overmeyer, Julie Benken, my Mom's best friend, Mikey's nephew, now Michael's brother...this school year can be over ANY TIME NOW. Death is one avenue of life I will never understand...

This Weekend

Amount of miles driven: Approx 600
Amount of money spent on gas: 85 dollars
Cities I was in: Cincinnati, Toledo, Fremont, Cleveland, Columbus
Hours of sleep Saturday night: 3
Colleges I passed (I was curious): UC, University of Dayton, Baldwin-Wallace, Ohio Northern, Bowling Green State, University of Toledo, Case-Western University, Wooster College, Ashland University, Ohio Wesleyan University, Ohio State University
BUT

When PSR opened his eyes at the sound of my voice grabbed my hand and squeezed it even though he couldn't speak...it made the entire trip completely worth it. If you want details about his condition, call me. He'll be allowed to have visitors in about 2-3 weeks

VT Tragedy

I'm having a hard time dealing with the emotions from the tragedy at VT today...I watched the news this morning at breakfast and it's just so...horrific. People our age, doing the same thing we are here to do with Professors who probably speak broken English or drive us nuts in early morning class hours were killed randomly. I can't imagine sitting in my early classes trying not to fall asleep as the Prof drones on and then it all being over. We are so unprepared for death sometimes...the unspoken words to our friends and family, the things we plan on doing but never get around to...do it now. Say it now. I thanked God this morning that my friends and family are safe and asked Him to help me have the courage and the time to say and do all the things I want to before my own life is over. Please, I beg you, LOVE each other hard core because we never know if something like this could happen on our campus. We're in college and because of this, we feel invincible. I admit to these feelings, but today I feel very exposed and naked to the horrible things that could happen to me and everyone I love. Please pray...or keep them in your thoughts and with those things in mind, do everything you ever set out to do while there is still time.

Ironically enough I am in Fremont right at this moment...my Mom's best friend in the entire world passed away unexpectedly last night. Anna let me borrow her car bless her frickin heart to get back to be with her. My poor Moozie...Amy was such a good friend to her. Life is too short for all of our bullshit and nonsense. Love each other ok? Who knows when I'll be back in the 'Nati...probably by tomorrow night.

All Good Things Come to an End

10 Things I Hate About You
I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive your car, I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick,it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way youre always right, I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh,even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when youre not around, and the fact that you didnt call.
But mostly I hate the way I dont hate you, Not even close...
Not even a little bit...
Not even at all...

RIP Moops and Schmoopie 1/01/05-1/29/07
It was horrible and wonderful and everything in between while it lasted...but we shake and bake no more...

So yesterday's news of Julie's passing was one of the more emotional days I've had in college. Cheating boyfriends, back-stabbing friends, difficult processes, bad grades all sort of pale in comparison to something like this. I watched my tough band director cry and hugged band members until my arms hurt. And I cried. Because losing a friend is hard and she was so young...but it is unfortunatly always incidents like this that get us thinking about what is really important in life. And I've made this speech on this website many, many times but I always seem to forget until the next major incident happens.
Life is TOO short. It's too short for holding grudges. It's too short for not telling your friends and family how you feel about them. Too short to complain, to not work as hard as you can, to not be successful. I know this weekend will be emotional on multiple levels as I laugh, cry, and try not to break down on the rollercoaster ride of it all, but I can't help wondering if these emotions make us feel alive? That we can find life and purpose in the passing of another. We could be inspired to live as hard as we can in case our time is cut short as Julie's was. And hopefully this feeling lasts a long time so we don't have to wait until the next passing to be inspired again.